I'm a bit sick of the #staythefuckathome brigade. It makes it sound as if it's all easy. We just lay on the couch and save the world. But what really is the price of staying the fuck at home? We talk about the economic and health costs of this pandemic, but the shouting of stay the fuck at home is rude and hurtful to those for whom staying home is in fact, really awful.
The day we locked down my work, I cried. I had residents crying in front of me and families crying over the phone. It sounds so straightforward. The elderly are at risk, we must lock down the facility to save them. But the costs of that lockdown are huge. Seeing their family is one of few remaining pleasures in life for them. Residents and families may never see each other again. Many are unable to use Skype or even a phone, and elderly partners in the community frequently don't have a computer or smart phone. Most are unable to understand why they can't see anyone. I hold the Ipad up for them to see their family, and they cry again. I feel guiltily like I am running a prison. In staying the fuck at home, we cut a large amount of their quality of life remaining.
When they shut the borders with SA, I also cried. I was going to see my mother this week. She is high risk and I wanted to get over to see her before it was too risky to visit. I was too late. I will still go over to nurse her should she become sick. I will strap my battle wombat on the front of the van and storm the border if I have to, but by staying the fuck at home, I may not get the chance to spend time with her well ever again.
Our communities are already full of isolated people. People only marginally connected. People only just holding it together in the normal world. People whose families or partners are a source of stress or risk with whom they are now locked in.
I am one of many people living alone these days. It's great when I could pop into friend's places for a cuppa, held pot luck dinners, arranged sociable climbing days, headed off on road trips or went on random Tinder dates. It's not so great right now. I have mornings when I wake up and contemplate 6+ months of living alone through stress and grief and without those things that keep me together, and it's not good. There's no one there to give me a hug and I can't just turn up at a friend's for a comforting tea and chat. And what if staying the fuck at home mean no fucking for 6 months???? I'm not entirely in jest when I say I don't know that I'd make it through 6 months without sex, climbing and riding. That's like all the great pleasures in life ...
So stop saying just #staythefuckathome and acknowledge the cost of it. There are people coping with the fear and anxiety of covid 19 alone or coping being cooped up with people who are causes of fear and anxiety. Grief and depression will be rife. Rates of suicide and family violence are going to skyrocket. Instead of shouting at them, try saying, "I understand staying at home can be hard. Is there anything I can do to help you stay safe, sane, connected and healthy through this?"
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